A close friend in college sent me a message asking me if I wanna go to our classmate’s kid’s birthday. I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t want to go to there (kasi siguradong inuman yun, melikes) but I am ashamed. I am ashamed of how ugly I am. Lahat sila nag-improve ang hitsura… ako lang ang panget.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not that repulsive. I am just in worse shape than when I was in college. I was/am not goodlooking to begin with but I look really ugly now. I always had weight problems (payatot) but I think I am really skinnier now than I have ever been. I remind myself of Christian Bale in The Machinist. Creepy!
The last times I met with friends, they all want to feed me.
“We had a big fight last Friday. A really big fight over lost time and my inability to show affection,” Jack told me, “I felt really bad about it.”
“I saw Jane the following day,” he continued, “we bought a laptop. By the time we ate we were really tired. She had this thing about motels being a place of sin, of how those poor hapless women are brought there against there own volition .
“It goes something that.” He said thoughtfully.
“Letse! Pa-ingles-ingles ka pa!” I shout at him, “Ano ba talaga kwento mo?”
“I am getting there, Geez!” He answered irritably. “Tang ina mo!”
I was not able to go to work Friday, 2 AM because of the rain. It’s not that I am lazy… it was scary! The raindrops sounded like coins falling down the roof only replaced by the strong winds bringing sounds of falling debris. Isipin nyo naman ang byahe ko from Antipolo to Ayala, madilim at sa payat kong ito baka dalhin ako ng hangin na parang saranggola
I mentioned to my girlfriend that I am looking at books by Malcolm Gladwell from a comment I received recently. She knows the writer and talked about Blink. It’s funny that I have a geeky girlfriend, she knows almost all the writers I mention.Nag-download ako ng eBook, made me realize that my intuitive repulsion from a recent post is not as irrational as I thought it was.
I was about to write something about why anarchy will not work in a free society (as much as I like V for Vendetta, ain’t gonna work) but decided not to (this blog has been loaded too much by my antisocial ramblings).
KAYA MANOOD NA LANG KAYO NITO!
I miss being a kid. I think I am a different person if I did not grow up with Sesame Street. I feel sad for kids these days. Noong bata ako kahit patay na si Jim Henson, maganda pa ang quality ng Sesame Street. Iyon ang panahon na bida si Kermit at endearing pa si Big Bird. Yun ang panahon na kahit matanda ka, naantig ka sa mga socially relevant na kanta na pinatutugtog nila. Hay! Kaya siguro ganito na ang mga kabataan ngayon.
Typically, when I don’t like people, I can point out what I don’t like in them. They may be obnoxious, rude, just plain evil or bashful. Sometimes, I don’t like them because they are annoying or have habits that I find irritating. Like the way they use boring in a Filipino sentence or how they hold a slice of pizza, just small things, I know! I am a pretty narrow-minded person… evidently!
But at least, I know what I dislike!
And there are people that just send bad signals to me. They have a quality about them that makes me want to stay away. And they are the people that scare me. They remind me of those evil characters in Murakami books that only you notice and everybody seem to be in awe of. You think you see their true colors even if they haven’t done anything yet. Then you hate yourself because you are intuitive and have no basis for how you feel. You are being irrational. But your guts tell you something that you can’t get over. At least with the people who annoy you, you can stay away from them or place them a good distance where they can do you no harm (or work your way to avoid the situations that gets to you). With these people, it is hard.
It was Free Comic Book Day last Saturday at Fully Booked!
I was thinking twice about going there but I cannot help myself. I got free comic book, not the type that cost much but is fine since it’s free. There is a 20% discount for all graphic novels. I took the opportunity to buy three books. I am now finally able to complete the Sandman series with Preludes and Nocturnes, the first volume that I was able to purchase and read last. Also bought the Dead Boy Detectives and V for Vendetta (I was always planning to buy that but never did due to economic and availability reasons).
I end up with little money now.
Neil Gaiman’s work for the first volume, I expected less. I was told that the art on it was unimpressive but you know what? I kinda appreciate it. It’s not that bad. And the story was still really good, it is amazing how the first volume really gave clues to the events to follow. It has Dream mistakenly captured (instead of Death) by some thantophobic old man. He was imprisoned and the Dream world collapses. He escapes and he rebuilds his world again.
I am still waiting for calls. Yes, I am still hopeful of getting something published. Aba! Napagod ako sa pag-proofread ng sinulat ko at lagi pa rin akong nakikitang mali. Kaya nung OK na (or acceptable na), in-email ko na agad. Tingnan natin kung ano mangyayari, this is the first time that I went out of my way to actually work on a project that I hope will pay off. But I dunno, maybe it really is mediocre. But then again, so does many stories published out there!
I should not expect too much. I always get disappointed.
I still feel tired and hardly slept last night. Stupid shift changes…
I told myself that I will spend less but I am still weak. I can’t help myself.
We were in the bookstore, I found this box labeled Rudraksha, I was wondering what’s in it. It was heavy, if you shake it, I can hear chimes. It was on sale and 90% was slashed from its original Php 1,000+++. Being the impulsive consumer that I am, despite my tight budget, I bought it.
I have always been aware that I am a little bit socially challenged.
Tinitingnan ko yung cellphone ko and I realized that nobody texts me anymore. Unlike before, na kahit konti lang ang mga kaibigan ko, they still take time to drop me a message para magparamdam. I don’t blame them, busy kami at di nila ako ma-contact mula ng mawala yung phone ko.
I realized that I need to be more sociable again, be more friendly and have life again that does not revolve in work and childish things that has been my preoccupation. Lagi na lang akong nasa loob ng sarili kong mundo! Ganun ako kayaman para magka-sariling mundo. Bwahahaha!!!!
Minsan unhealthy rin ang laging nagsosolo. Man is a social animal, sabi nga nila. Minsan dapat papasukin rin sila sa aking Universe (parang diyos lang, may multiverse, bumubuo ng Universe).
I have a lot of drafts on this blog that are not worth reading. Heck! This post, it’s not even worth publishing. And the thing I least like about myself is that those things that I used to love has become a chore (e.g. browsing the Internet, reading books, drawing art). It is unhealthy.
I need to get a drink. Maybe just a few shots of brandy would be nice. OK pa rin naman sa akin ang uminom contrary to the recent posts that I have. Boring ang buhay pag walang bisyo, isang araw, mamatay din ako. OK lang.Lahat tayo mamamatay!
I am too much of a geek already, no vices would make a boring, boring person.
And all the suffering I will feel from the disease, it is self-inflicted. There are far more painful deaths happening to innocent people everyday. Think of it as my penance. As if religious ako to begin with!
