Pinoy Wasteland

It’s almost over now. I am just two signatures away for my clearance at the call center that has a name that sounds very much like a taxi franchise.

We were planning to go to an acquaintance’s birthday but Meow canceled because she wasn’t able to get much sleep. I am a bit relieved. I wanna be lucid for this, and I was. My employment ended last Sunday. I do not miss it. I was afraid the past 2 days that I felt no strong feelings. Have I gone numb? How much of the old me was extinguishedd by working in a call center?

I went there again today, with my bulky backpack, armed with my notebook and Albert Camus to give me company. Seeing them was pleasant but I ask myself if I have established a strong bond with them. I kinda like them… mostly.

I was in that stifling place that was my former employment. I waited alone and doing that did me good. The silence of the empty pantry made me think with clarity. I think and I ask myself if I have grown here and was amazed at how long I lasted there. I thought I’d be gone in three months.

On my FX ride home, I hear the sounds of the heaving airconditioner and the constant motor running. There was silence and nobody talked. Just the kind of lone travels I like. I realize the things I will miss most and wish to do for the last time. And this was one of them, sitting in the unholy hours of night… with freaks, just like myself.

I will miss walking in the dark avenues of Makati. I like my solitary walks, I used to do that lot when I was new. I remember getting into this bad thing with one of the Operation Managers there, and I walked one time until my mind was clear. The cool wind blowing against my face while smoking a cigarette, the smell of the air in those hours when most people are sleep, especially on weekends. I can still remember the smell.

I will miss sipping coffee in one of my favorite coffee shops.

I told myself that in life, I will never have regrets. Regret is an unnecessary emotion. You learn from your mistakes but you should not entertain the feeling of regret. I feel no regret now. I feel free. I feel light. It’s like this heavy chain wrapped around my body was broken.

I am not sure if my next job is better or worse, I won’t know yet but I am excited. I am afraid. Whether I will be good at it, time will tell.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 at 12:16 am and is filed under places, work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.