New Year morning at Cubao is disgusting. Smog covers the city. It would have been picturesque if it was natural fog but it stenched of combustible powder. That was depressing.
I plan to be healthier this year. I am sure people will be scoffing at the thought, I sense disbelief but I really want to do this. I want a fresh start but because that cannot happen, I want to make the most of what I have. Being healthy is part of that. I want a brand new me.
I also plan to read more books. Plenty of books. I have been reading less this year.
I don’t know what I feel with the recent developments in my life but it’s better than feeling pain. I don’t know what to think anymore, and who said I want to think about pain? I am tired of pain and I want to move on. I feel anxious about the future.
I turned 27 a couple of days ago, and my life is still a big question mark.
Where I will go, where it is headed and who is willing to come along… I will just wait and follow the flow. It’s surprising that with how little I invested in life, I have so many things to lose. People expect a lot from me.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about myself and the people around me. I conclude that I am messed up and irresponsible.
There are no true, purely good person in the world. Magnanimity is only true for books. If they do live, they are pretty much 1,000 to one. If you meet one true magnanimous person in the world, he won’t be someone close to yourself. You wouldn’t know.
She was right that I have lost a sense of myself but she was wrong in some parts as well.
I always have this heavy feeling, and I would want it to go away. I want to fix that gap in my life. The mistake of thinking too well of other people.
Life is still beautiful if you know where to look. You look for beauty from the sunrise on your hotel window, the smell of the one you love, the sweet taste of alcohol… but all is flux, fleeting… and you look for it again over and over.
I guess that’s how life is, fragments of chaos. People not understanding each other. Seeking fleeting bliss. Being as decent as you possibly could.
I will be happy because I deserve it, and so do you…