I just signed my contract today for the new job as a voice writer/editor.
Don’t mind the picture, I was looking for a picture with a contract on it (my blog has been mostly text in months). Nagulat ako na isa ito sa mga lumabas. If you were thinking that’s a porn movie. Wrong! Akala ko rin. Hehehe.
It’s gonna be my last few days at work, I feeeeel soooo messed up. I wanted this job but I feel there’s something missing.
My parents are not home most of the time, they are still busy. I think they are united now with our other relatives. Unity is a rare thing in my father’s dysfunctional family. Death seems to unite them for now. It’s complicated. A time for me to say something cliché. Complicated.
I feel bad that I have no good memory of my recently deceased grandfather. You know how it is with people you are not close with, you have one good memory of that person, a nice, sweet moment, a tender spot in your mind and it is enough to think of them nicely. Like when my Tita Gemma who I remember having fun before leaving for the US and never showing her face again (that was when I was about five), my Uncle Joel (an architect) who lived with us when I was about eight and showed me things he drew… it’s fun, even some of our relatives I don’t like have their nice tender moments. Things that would be etched on my mind that makes me fuzzy when I remember.
My grandfather did not have any of those moments. He had little to do with me while growing up. He left my grandmother who I though highly of until she died when I was around 7. It was only when I was a teenager that I learned she had a maldita streak but it did not matter because I still remember the days when she picked me up at school and she gave me this expensive candy (that is for a kindergarten student). She had her tender moments.
My girlfriend got the nickname back when she was in a college: MEOW.
She got it from talking to cats. She said that back in campus, she’ll be sitting close to cats and talk to them, her friends started calling her Meow. When I met her, her name was one of her more attention grabbing details besides her being a smartass back when we were training in my first job three years ago.
Anyway we became friends. I have called her Meow then until there came another Miao in the company, a gay guy. Minsan nagugulat ang mga tao pag narinig kami na:
Oo, naglasing kami nina Meow hanggang alas-diyes!
And people who overhear us and don’t know her would say:
Ano?! Nag-iinuman kayo ni Miao?!!!
Dati nagsulat na ako tungkol sa mga bagay na di ko maintindihan sa mga babae. Ngayon may bago na naman.
May 2 kaibigan akong babae, di sila ang magkaibigan pero ako yung mutual friend. At ito, di nila feel ang isa’t isa. Di lang nila feel. At ako yung na-stress.
It’s just not them but I know other women na di rin feel ang ibang tao kasi di nila feel, I don’t get it. Ako pag may di ako gusto may logical reason or may nagawa syang di ko gusto or may ugali na hindi ko kinatutuwaan.
Di ba tama ako?
I should have more male friends.
Last night I was drinking with my co-workers. I really don’t like drinking with people I am not very close to. Despedida yun ng katrabaho ko na lilipad na sa Amerika kaya nahiya naman akong di pumunta. We were drinking this concoction of vodka, sprite and Red Horse.
I was drinking, I drink a lot for somebody who doesn’t go out often. In a passing statement, I told a co-worker named Rhoda that even if she looks like a slut, she really isn’t. Maybe it was tactless, it was a passing statement, I do not want to blame what I said to my intoxication for what I said, I said something someone else says and I know that a lot of guys think the same way. And all hell broke loose.
Rhoda made a big deal out of it. In front of other people she told me that if I can’t say who said that, then it must be me who is thinking that way. I am never into name-dropping. And I hate the accusation that I am a gossip monger. I hardly talk to anybody at work except my friends. Except the past months when I tried so hard to be more sociable. She told me that I am creepy, that there are times that when I talk to her, that I am off. She wanted me to defend myself in front of all the people we were drinking with.
I am never into drama. I am not friends with all my co-workers. Yes, I can be tactless but I will not be the source of entertainment of these drunken people who aren’t my friends. Rhoda was one of the people I knew ever since I started at work, although we’re not friends, I treated her the same way as I treat people I am comfortable with, I say my thoughts no matter how weird it is. I hate it. I hate the situation, I told her to talk in private, she doesn’t want to. She wanted me to defend myself in front of all these people.
I was angry, I kept my mouth shut. I know myself, I am very sarcastic when I am angry and it would not be like a gentleman to go on a diatribe because once I talk, it will be hard for me to stop, besides the way I rationalize things, I am sure some of them will react differently. Ayoko na pahabain. I just kept my mouth shut. I am not sure if I made the right choice. I told all these to my friend Michelle who was sitting beside me. And I am happy she understands, and I guess that she knows me.
Michelle talked to her in the Ladies room. I don’t know if she believed her. I was angry. One of our coworkers, Rhoda’s friend told me that I should have name dropped. She said that Rhoda thinks that I have these dark thoughts about her. Masama kasi ako tumingin, and I admit, I really have a habit of doing that. Maybe it is uncomfortable for people but it’s something that I unconsciously do. I hate defending myself. Of all accusations, I don’t make up stories and if I do talk about sex, it is something that I am open with. I do not place any malice on any of the statements.
I tried so hard to fit in and I guess I will always carry this problem. I shouldn’t have talked. Silence is good. Silence even if misinterpreted, at least they wouldn’t have anything to hold against you. The reason I tried to do open up is coz my friend who’s been like me says that she has found a family from the people she has been working with.
Last night, in my room, alone, I cried, I can’t help it. If this happens every time I carry a conversation then I ought not to talk anymore. I don’t know if you guys understand. Last night I was trying to call the people who I know will understand me. Nobody’s answering their phone, no replies. Maybe because it was 3 AM. It may be petty for some of you, but for someone like me it’s hard. I did my best. I tried.
Sige dito na lang ako sa Internet. At least di ako ginaganito ng tao.
Middle child ako. May kuya na mas nakakatanda na domineering at bunsong kapatid na babae na spoiled. Napag-isip-isip ko pang-textbook pala ang pamilya ko… kumpleto with the strong mother figure and the father who doesn’t interfere in child-rearing.
Dahil abnormal ako tapos si Kuya normal, madalas kaming napagkukumpara. Tapos gwapo “daw” sya. Eh, di patay-patay ako sa comparison. May nag-alok na agent sa kanya mag-model. May nagsabi naman sa akin na kailangan ko ng makeover. Ako, mag-me-make-over. It’s too preposterous to be taken seriously. May katrabaho ako na nagsabi na dapat kong gayahin ang aking nakakatandang kapatid.
Si Kuya kasi, sports-minded, malakas ang dating, may hitsura, sociable at maraming kaibigan, ladies’ man and many more at ako ay… kabaligtaran. Ganun yata talaga.
Saan sa palagay n’yo nagkamali ang aking mga magulang? O talagang inherrent lang sa akin ang ganito. We grew up in the same environment. Same parents, same neighborhood, shares the some of the same genes (I hope, di naman siguro ako adopted). Medyo distant nga lang kami ng teenage years dahils sa lack of things in common. Close naman nung bata, ngayon lang ulit naging close. Hehehe.
Bahala sila. Don’t get me wrong, I like my brother but I don’t like to be like him. That is him and this, unfortunately, is me.
You must know me… From reading my posts anyway. Your not-so-average 22 year old. Student with so many hang-ups. But let us talk about my family,
My family. A father, mother. Married… 26 years. I think. Am the middle child, have an older brother who keeps bossing you around, younger bratty sister. cliche.
My dad is still the same… more noisy than he ever was, maybe because of the age. Mom is her old usual loud self. I really don’t grasp how they ended up with each other. I hardly recall a time they spent together trying to get to each others nerves. Sometimes I just want them to keep quiet.
Kuya started working at a call center last January although it is still irregularly goes to work due to some internal problems with the company. He keeps himself busy with her girlfriend Jack and lots of basketball games.
My Sister dearest is still her old usual self. Typical college student. She’s making herself busy with campus organizations and stuff. School politics. shudder. I really do not know much what she is up lately, not that I care and for as long as it is not illegal.
Sundays is the day when we are all at home, until the afternoon, that is. And it gets crazy out there. Chaotic. Weird Family.
A lot of annoying people are around us. Ihave this classsmate, she is freaking annoying that I almost feel sorry for her. Actually I feel sorry for her a lot.
It is just that she is really stupid! No exaggeration. She is by far, the stupidest person I’ve ever encountered. Judging by looks, she is what others call nice-looking… even beautiful by other’s standards. But her persistence and consistency just makes her more repulsive, and she is so untidy!
She seems to be real nice person but she speaks of nothing but nonesense.
In fairness, I try to be attentive, I really do. Be super nice to her. Evade her, but she just keeps on going and going.
There is this guy I also dislike, What an asshole, actually, a major asshole. He is supposed to be my friend but I later found out, he is so full of himself. I could hardly stand him. He thinks he is so smart, I wouldnt be surprised to discover if he has poor IQ. I would even be expecting it from the bastard.
Then at work, there is this engineer who is so freakin’ annoying, i want to shove the damned documents up his ass whenever I run errands to him. All I do is follow my supervisor’s instructions. If he had a bad day, just dont put all the negative energy on the happless intern.
I will fail to mention some of the others like salesladies who just can’t beat it. Jeepney drivers who dont discount my fare. I am a humble student with limited allowance. And girls who talk of nothing else but boys and makeup. Noisy, cheap people. Smoke-belchers. Agh!