Pinoy Wasteland

I wonder if sadness is not abstract, what would it look like. What would sorrow look like if she is human.

I think, she’ll be female. With skin as white as paper, she would stand around 5’6″ and She would have black hair, as shiny and dark as indian ink.

(more…)

Lulubusin ko na ang pagpo-post dahil ka-careerin ko na ang paghahanap ng trabaho.

I’ve been trying to write, people are somehow supportive with that somehow. It’s odd that people think I can be a good writer of fiction. I try but I never really succeed. Meron na akong idea sa loob ng utak ko pero swimming lang sya ng swimming doon. I try to write some of it in paper and on a computer but the ideas never really come out as much as I want to.

So let me share how the story goes (I doubt I’ll be able to finish it anyway)….

(more…)

This is true. I will be going on a blogging hiatus. Funny.

I keep on saying I will but this time it is true. I think the longest I had was 2 weeks, now I just don’t feel like posting. I think the readers here has gone tired of my constant whining and it is about time that I take a break from everything. Better not write if all I do is whine about trivialities and my loneliness. Blogging has stopped becoming my outlet and my emotions still tip over and it is driving me crazy.

It’s just not about my job or about the events in my protected posts. It is more than that. I need time… I have never been this lonely since the time I shut down after High School.

For now, I say goodbye, I will still read your blogs, I may just not comment on all of them since my mind would rather think of other things. I hope you will still be here when I return for most of you are dear to my heart.

And if I die, then that is the end of it. Hehehe.

I don’t wish to die but I would like to disappear right now without a trace. Just fade away.

I feel like crying but I can’t cry. I want to cry and the tears are there but they won’t come out. I don’t know if I am talking shit again or if what I feel is real, I am not sure what reality is anymore. I will write when I start and finish  crying. I am gonna write once I dream normal dreams again. I will write once I am sure. I will write when I am able to finish what I am set out to do. Let me find where my heart is.

I am currently trying to write. I don’t know. I try to recall how I used to write in college. I remember having this system. Unlike when writing for my blog, I just sit and type what is on top of my head, the papers I submit for school (and the ones I sell to my classmates) has a system.

I have structure when submitting papers, even the informal ones. I remember trying to gather my thoughts in my head. I let the topic sit in my mind for a day, and if I really feel like doing the topic, I have a paper with me jot it down so I won’t forget. Then I write all these thoughts in paper, enumerate each later, then arrange the ideas on an outline. It’s more structured that way, the thoughts are not jumping back and forth and I am able to write an acceptable opening and closing paragraph for the paper. And I proofread when I write ‘em. Di tulad dito na andaming mali-mali.

(more…)

I like to write. I love it. Even if I am not that good, I enjoy it alot. And I am happy that despte the dwindling number of visitors in my blog, they still visit me. I stopped caring much for that, My first few months blogging had no visitors in them, so it’s OK. At least I have an outlet for my frustrations.

I love you guys for that. Some of you guys may have visited this blogger that I frequently visit. I must say that I was really disappointed when I found out that he was just copykng his post from someone else. I was really disappointed. I was shocked and betrayed. Naka-relate pa naman ako. When I found out about it, I was thinking maybe they just used common words and it happens sometimes. And as it turned out, he was copying word per word. So you must understand how disappointed I was. I can’t imagine anybody writing about intimate words copied from somebody and make people think that it’s his own.

At first, I did not want to judge the guy (kasi syempre na-attach na sa akin yung mga nakasulat). But the evidence was convincing. So, I think what if I am placed on the same situation…. not that I copy anything blatantly like that.I think with so may bloggers these days, there are a lot of things to copy. I think aps (or maybe somebody elase) has wrote a poem that somebody stole.

Pero pag ako naman magsulat sa blog na ito spontaneous (always on the top of my head), I forget to proofread the things that I write. I am just really disappointed. There are times that I write things similar (marami yatang maga tao na puro melancholy ang sinusulat) to others but I don’t copy. The way I write, walang structure, basta sulat lang ng sulat. I was thinking maybe I should think more of the things I am making posts of.

Since starting a journal, I haven’t been up to making any post lately… I think I will make a post tomorrow. I am near school right now. Gotta go.

I decided to start a new journal again. I did it quite a few times, one time I bought this really nice notebook but I ended not writing on it since it’s so pretty and I was afraid to write something stupid in it. I still keep it and it had roughly five pages of weird stuff on it. Besides, I really don’t want to fill this blog with too many rantings of my disappointments in the pointlessness of living in the world.

I have been having these thoughts, a lot of them and by the time I get by a computer, the emotions are no longer as raw. The problem I have in writing, I need to have emotion to write good, I think. Writing in a journal brings paranoia in me since I am always afraid that people might get to read it.

I also decided to take a break from reading depressing books. I like depressing books, it makes me miserable but in a masochistic kind of way, I like it. I am so drawn to depressing books I am so sick of it. I bought two fun books but it still does not have the same effects that depressing books have. Reasons why I think I am getting gloomier these days. Paulo, ang payat mo na, nangangangayat ka pa lalo! Definitely a sign I should stop reading the things I am on.

When I finished The Catcher in the Rye and Norwegian Wood , I thought that they were nice books but never really got to me like most people did. Maybe because in many ways I found nothing extraordinary with the characters because I can be able to relate with them rather well. So, I decided to write something based on myself, maybe it will be a classic. Hahaha! Another book about an egocentric person with very poor social skills.

Finished the first chapter, and I think it sucks. I think I will never be a writer, seems that I don’t have the discipline. I can’t even finish the short story I started two years ago.