Tinatamad ako kumilos, magsulat, magtrabaho, lahat kinatatamaran ko. Naasar ako sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko… minsan gusto ko nang pumatay. Tama nga yung mga dati kong katrabaho na baka sumabog na ako.

Pagkatapos ng bond sa kontrata ko baka umalis na ako sa industriya na ito. Mag-aaral na lang ulit ako. Seryoso na. Huli na ang pagsisisi, dapat tinanggap ko na lang yung isa pang trabaho dati.

Sandali na lang itong blog na ito. Oras na mag-expire ‘to ipapahinga ko na lalo pa’t ang mga dati kong kaibigan sa Internet ay nawawala na rin sa sirkulasyon. Pero di  muna ngayon, sayang ang binayad ko.

Alam nyo na kung saan ako hahanapin.

We just moved to a new house last week. That explains a lot of my lack of online activity (besides being not in the mood to make anymore posts), the new house has no phone right now but at least we have electricity, cable and running water. That’s good enough for me. If it is bad enough that I have to do a daily commute from Antipolo to Ayala, now I am farther now (still in Antipolo though).

The house is nicely located in a homey subdivision much more quiet than our old house. It has a clubhouse with a swimming pool court, gym and basketball court (as if I am interested in any form of recreational physical activity).

The house looks nice on the outside, nicely painted and all. Once you get in, it has no paint and still reeks with the scent of sawdust. And I still share the same room with my brother. Pero OK lang sa akin yun basta may pagkain na masarap sa bahay.

I brought my dog Maki there and he had a hard time adjusting with the place. Sinakay ko pa ng tricycle at syempre di rin sanay ang mokong. So he was whimpering all the way and pooped inside the trike. I had to kick it outside while the driver’s not looking.

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I visited meowy last Tuesday. We haven’t seen each other for a week now. Parang High School student kami, unlike when she had her own apartment we can just lay back and be ourselves… NOW, we are at her parent’s house and we need to behave. I brought her some books by Gaiman, Peter S. Beagle and a mystery book with talking mice in it. She has a liking for those.

And I ended up bringing home a lot of books about Perspective (in Visual Arts), a bunch of Peanuts, Jostein Gaarder and the Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide by Douglas Adams (who I liked the first book, she has the heavy leather bound complete volume that looks like the Bible).

Ambigat buhatin!

We also saw Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (that’s the good thing about us, pareho kaming isip-bata) which I haven’t seen since I was in my pre-teens. Masaya manood ng mga kasangkapan nagsasalita!

We talked about stuff like we frequently do (reason why I think we’re so good together) about senseless stuff that people don’t talk about. She mentioned this thing that CS Lewis mentioned about how the human spirit has this flame that once extinguished, man is good as dead. And yeah, I am afraid that most people are walking dead. I think most people as they grow old and once over-practicality sets in, they lose that certain flame inside of them. Much reminiscent to what Gaarder mentioned about rabbit’s hair.

I am still not in the mood to write these days. Still waiting for dear ol’ Calliope to pay me a visit.

I haven’t been doing much in my life right now, normally, I have time to contemplate on stuff like my life purpose but I can’t seem to do it right now.

Been watching a lot of movies, I finally got my hands on a couple of movies I have been looking for like Leon and Princess Mononoke. And I was not disappointed.

Leon was really nice. At times, funny and this I think has to be one of Natalie Portman’s best films. I learned about the movie from hearing that nice audio called Ballad for Mathilda. It’s about a hitman who took care of an orphaned young girl and he dies in the end. The hitman is really nice.

Which reminds me, my girlfriend once told me, I remind her of Dexter. And I go, isn’t he a serial killer? I am so flattered.

We hung out at her old school because the campus is nice and we don’t have much money anymore to go to the places we normally go to. And we found out that cigarettes are no longer sold in the streets, we have to buy it like we are ordering drugs. And I ask, whatever happened to the UP where people can buy a variety of cigarettes for low, low prices.

Princess Mononoke was nice as well. I wanted to see the movie eversince I saw the nice reviews about it years ago. It’s about people and talking animals, and talking animals are always good for me. But it’s a serious movie with very serious storylines, and a lot of people and animals die in the end. It sends a nice message.

I also saw Across the Universe. I think the story is a bit shallow but a musical with Beatles song on it, we can forgive that. And it has Evan Rachel Wood on it, I just love that actress even if she’s with Marilyn Manson. None of the major characters die in the end.

I am not in the mood for chatter right now. Oh, well.

It feels so long since the last time I worked on a computer for leisure. And I think I am not alone in noticing that old-time bloggers are dwindling and are off doing other things.

IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR ME TO KEEP UP WITH WHAT I WAS DOING BEFORE. Too many things to do.

I think i won’t be writing as much as I used to. I don’t know. Work, life, everything. And nothing exciting goes along my way.

I might not renew my domain registration. It’s just two months to go before that expires.

I still get to keep my job after last week’s absence. It’s a good thing, I think although I really don’t like what I do that much.

In a way, I am like how I was in college now minus the enthusiasm for philosophy and Internet activity. I am back to being a loner, it’s a good thing, believe me.

My girlfriend is OK now. It is a relief. She’s home and will be looking for a job maybe this week.

I am running out of money, and that IS always NEVER good. And I am supposed to earn more money than most people. I think I should look for a house in Makati. I like living in my place in Antipolo but it is impractical to commute and all.

Speaking of impracticality, I feel sorry for really practical people who see the world as black and white, I really do. But that is another matter of extensive explanation by which I am in no mood to speak of.

Til next time, maybe sooner than you think.

She was rushed to the hospital yesterday, early morning, by her friend. No extra clothes at all.

When I woke up at 4AM, I found 14 missed calls and a message asking for my help. I felt stupid being unable to wake up for that.

I arrived shortly at the hospital where she was admitted. I spent the day with her. She has no job and I am just starting over a new job. I have been spending a lot of money lately so it sucks that we find ourselves in a ward with 5 other people.

On the left is a lone granny and on the other side, a boy who’s pampered by her mom. We were in a public hospital because both of us are both P-O-O-R. The place was very bare, just a side table and a bed with white, untidy sheets, no pillow at all. It is a public hospital after all.

She doesn’t want to call her parents, she has this thing with them and I have to respect that. I don’t completely understand but I know where it’s coming from.

Somebody was able to fill in for me just for a couple of hours and gave time for me to go home to take a bath, pass by her apartment to get her some clothes, some clean sheets, a pillow and a blanket.

The problem came when I had to go to work. I was absent recently during training and I can’t afford being absent now.

It was then that I realized that I love her and I am willing to lose my job. I don’t know. I only care for myself and maybe just a few people. I don’t even like hospitals and I like eating only good food.

She’s the closest thing to what I have who almost understands me.

I will never forgive myself if I left her in that place for 9 hours nor will I stand being at work thinking of her in that ward alone.

She’s OK now, she’s staying at her friend’s house.

I don’t know if I still have a job waiting for me tonight. I have informed them about my situation, it’s up to them now. My job means something to me because i need to eat, you know.

Wish me luck.

It was a judgement call, what I did. If I have to do it all over again, I’ll still do the same thing. I would lose a hundred jobs for her.

Yeah, I am in love. It’s no longer I think.